The Pain Scale

From the Sarcastic-Lighter Side of Angel Thompson
Subject: The Pain Scale

I think doctors and hospitals need to implement a new “pain scale” that allows one to “describe the pain” because let’s face it when they say “on a scale from 1-10, 10 being the highest..”, what you wish they would say is “on a scale from 1-10, 100 being the highest…”
An EMT once heard me describe my pain instead of the scale and my description was “it feels like someone has shoved a skewer up my tush.” She said she would never forget that description. So, on that note…

After being in the house for 11 days post surgery, I was (notice the tense) feeling a bit better and had yet (again, notice the tense) to use pain meds. The kids were starting to feel well and Joshua had been saving to buy a new game for his game boy. So, I decided that I could drive them to Game Stop and then the Dollar Tree so Faithy could get something also. After that hour, if you were to ask me on a scale from 1-10 with 10 being the highest to “rate” my pain….this is how it would go.
“Have you ever fallen down the stairs on your tail bone? Okay, it’s like that, but coupled with someone hitting my tailbone over and over and over and over and over and over and over…breath…over and over and over. Then for good measure, kick me in the tail bone so I fall down the flight of stairs on my tail bone.” So, would that be a 10?

I’m thinking that a description works far better for them to GRASP the pain rather than a silly number used for counting.

Hope you all have a wonderful day….off to take pain meds now. It would be interesting to hear how I would describe my pain then.

My simplified pain scale if one must use numbers.

To be an adjunct...?

Okay...it's snowing and I need to just have fun with words...which I know will cause someone to have the need to write and correct me...but that is the joy of just having fun!

I love reading the titles of faculty and staff members of colleges and universities because the wording makes me stop, ponder and at times....chuckle. Why is it that in the same school you will have people listed as Associate Professor and others listed as Adjunct Professor. Don’t they really mean the same thing....You are “an associate” of that program? Or, did the person who was typing just get tired of typing Associate and decided “let’s really make our school look cool. It seems like we have a lot of people listed as “associate”...let's find another word for "associate". So they hit their thesaurus and see "ADJUNCT", and thus you now have "Adjunct Professors.

Seriously, which one sounds better. Associate….sounds like you have at least two years experience or Adjunct...add on helper. (My husband shares, over my shoulder, that since he cannot pronounce the latter he thinks it sounds more important.)

It's a snowy day...I think I'll be an "adjunct baker of cookies" with Faithy today!

Hoping you all can be an adjunct today!

Another Bizzare Moment in our lives...

What can I say....

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Ramblings....not induced by any type of Egg-Nog

Just some of my "before Christmas ramblings"....and no, I have not been in the Egg-Nog.

This has been an incredible last several months since we arrived here in Geneva. I am noticing that the ground doesn't freeze this close to the lake...it just stays...mushy. Still waiting for the real COLD to hit and counting how much wood we have for the rest of winter. Has anyone else noticed that winter lasts longer than any other season? Yeah, what's that all about?!

I do need to share some of my favorite quotes from my kids:

My favorite Joshuaism's of 2008

"You don't see that everyday!"

(look closely at the photo above...do you see Joshua?)

"Can I write a letter to Santa?"

"Joshua, you do remember that Santa is not real, right?"

"Yeah, but the guy in the Red Suit is."

His letter said:

"Dear Santa, I love you. You are the best delivery guy. You are very very nice. By: Joshua"

My favorite Faithyisms of 2008:

"Hold on to me mommy so I don't blow away."

"The sun must have lost his shiny clothes."

"Okay, that is totally freaking me out." (said with the hand moving back and forth)

Okay, my tea cup is empty...need to refill, and snuggle by the fire. May you all have a warm winter night.

Hearing Devices...random thoughts....

No matter how you try and hide the fact that you are losing your hearing...it is never easy to try and adapt. Adapting is not always funny. Okay, sometimes it is...okay, most times.

Here are just some of my thoughts...in a 2 minute clip...about hearing devices. Be sure to wait after the credits so you can hear Joshua's quick thoughts!

Just a nonsense entry about...THE WEATHER

As I'm researching I notice the weather flashing ORANGE on my computer screen...."91 degrees".

So, I click on it and it does say it is "91" with a severe Thunderstorm warning. (which it did arrive moments later like a little hurricane)

As I look down and read the weather board on my screen...it stated that the temp is 84 but it feels like 87.

Okay...so where does 91 come in?

Ah, it's 84, feels like 87 when cloud covered and 91 in the sun????

It's 84, and the sun has you believing it's 87 with it's hypnotic rays, but it's really 91 and it's laughing at you because you only put on 15SPF????

Seriously, what does that mean, and why can't they just pick one temperature?

Okay, I've been in the sun too long!

photo: www.dreamstime.com

My random thoughts about quizzes and strange ads on myspace

There is a quiz you can take on the website, myspace titled: Are you fat?

Do you really think if a person is fat they DON'T KNOW IT? Do I really need to take a test to prove it...as if it were a NEW revelation if it tells me I'm fat?

I can hear the infomercial testimonial now....with tears and smeared mascara:

"What changed my life was the "Are you fat" quiz from myspace. It really opened my eyes and showed me that I was indeed...body mass challenged, and I needed to do something. If it wasn't for myspace....and let's face it, I had a lot of SPACE, I would now not only be in MYSPACE, but I would also be in YOURSPACE, and HISPACE, and HERSPACE....."

"Myspace Quizzes brought to you by Jolly Ranchers. May your space always be myspace." (said with the announcers voice from Sponge Bob Square Pants)

Just another bizzare moment...

So, what do you think the odds are of cutting your lip on a gum wrapper?

I would say…in the case of our family, it is not only possible, but probable.

Some of you know I am a slight germaphobe. I know, shocking. I was actually able to track down over the years as to when this started, yet I am not going to get into that…although it came to me a year ago as I watched my daughter rubbing dirt in her hair and on her arms as she played outside. Honestly, I don’t think I could ever, ever, ever do a mud bath. Just the thought…..

Anyway, thought I would share one of those bizarre moments in the Thompson family. I decided to take the kids to the pet shop yesterday while we waited for Joshua’s therapy time. Before we went in I explained to them that we were not there to BUY, just to LOOK. They had a blast looking at all the fish…especially all the different types of “Nemos”. The lizards and snakes intrigued them, but they both loved the turtles and rabbits. It truly was fun watching their faces and hearing their voices as they explored and saw new creatures that they had never seen before. (Most of them I was glad were behind glass….ewe)

Looking at my watch I realized it was time for us to go. We all got in the car and I explained that we would need to wash our hands when we arrived at our next destination since we touched items at the pet store. Well, I looked down and saw my husbands gum pack and thought, “I would really like to have a piece of that.” It is the kind in the box where they are in individual pockets covered with paper that is not unlike aluminum foil. I began to think how I could get a piece in my mouth while not touching the gum itself. Once I popped the seal I brought the packet up to my mouth and apparently at just the right angle…that tin like foil can truly not only pierce through skin, but RIP a nice slice right down the lip. Joshua thought it was interesting that my lip was bleeding, Faithy just called it my boo boo and cringed. Who knew something so small could cause such a gush of blood….nor could a piece of foil covering a piece of gum could rip through skin. Made me think of the tinsel in The Santa Clause where they used it to open the jail door. That is some powerful stuff. I should just use that the next time I’m cooking and need to use my filet knife that I cannot seem to find.

The new slogan, “Chew your gum and filet your fish at the same time….keep away from lips.”

Conceal....Denial....Devices! God's Humor

The “cat” is coming out of the bag. Have you ever tried to “conceal” something for as long as you can…and I am not talking about trying to still get into your college clothes after having 2 kids. Honestly, there is no concealing there, just a bit of denial and crowding.

I have been trying to “deny” that I am losing my hearing. This past summer I finally admitted it to Matt which he threw up his hands and said, “Finally!”

After tests I found out the loss is not something that can be helped with hearing aids. I can still hear high tones and low tones…especially the high tones. It is my conversational hearing that I am losing. My ENT stated that I am losing decibels and that I need to look at people when they are talking, try not to have a conversation in a crowded room and by all means, never have an important conversation in the car. First of all….how many of you know Matt comes from a very large family? And yes, I made the mistake of having an important conversation in the car…with Matt. I learned my lesson, and so did he.

Now, I saw an advertisement for a hearing device geared for those who are “losing their conversational hearing”. I thought, “now this is something I can do. I can conceal the item and have my earphones set behind my hair, no one will know.”

Have any of you ever watched that commercial where the woman is yelling at her husband because he keeps turning things up? Have you noticed that when they have this lovely device that they are holding up, away from them and towards the area they wish to hear?

Okay, so my device arrives and I unpack it with great enthusiasm thinking I will be able to hear Matt and it will no longer cause frustration. Can I tell you what I heard once I turned it on…..my own footsteps (loudly), my shirt rustling, his shirt rustling…everyone’s shirt rustling….what I could not hear plainly was Matt’s voice.

So, if you are losing your hearing and decide to purchase one of these devices…here is my advice. Hold it up, tell the person to speak directly into the speaker and by all means, don’t breathe or move because all you will hear is their shirt moving.

I did have to laugh at God’s timing for me to reveal it to my family. It was during my grandmother’s GRADUATION service. My guitar had been sitting by the register and went out of tune. When I picked it up and began to sing…I could tell something was not quite right. I stopped and looked and stated that it was out of tune. My cousin said warmly, “It’s okay, Angel, we’ll wait while you tune it.” Yeah, I used to tune my guitar by ear…which now meant I would need to lean down, reach in my case and pull out my tuner. So, in the midst of the service I humbly shared about my hearing loss, then shared stories about Grandma and how she and grandpa were the ones who encouraged me to sing…all while my tuner tuned my guitar. I’m just glad I did not have that device on. How funny would that have looked? “Could someone please hold this so the speaker is right by the strings please? And please, everyone stop breathing, your shirts are rustling!"

Uncut Thoughts: Don’t miss His Forest for the TREE

As Matt, the kids and I were driving in town today we saw a furniture store with this ad:

"We will give you a free Christmas Tree with any purchase of $500."

"Wow, what a deal...let's stop right now so we can get that free tree.... that is already dead. That's something that will last and we can look back and say, "Aren't you glad we spent $500 for that....tree?" (She says sarcastically)

Yet, isn't that what the enemy is trying to sell us on? He tries to lure us away thinking that we can be rich, find love, happiness in the things the world has to offer...sex, drugs, alcohol, excessive shopping, excessive food, bling bling, cars...and really all it is, is a dead tree.

Listen to what God tells us in Psalm 1:1-3. What it looks like to follow Him and not the enemy who is offering you a dead tree.

(Just a quick hidden note...incase you did not know: His desire is to bless us, and we don't have to purchase anything...just accept the gift. (Romans 6:23)

How well God must like you— you don't hang out at Sin Saloon, you don't slink along Dead-End Road,
you don't go to Smart-Mouth College.

Instead you thrill to God's Word,
you chew on Scripture day and night.
You're a tree replanted in Eden,
bearing fresh fruit every month,
Never dropping a leaf,
always in blossom.

Just some random, uncut thoughts.

"Yield to pedestrians in the crosswalk."

Okay, often times my mind becomes a little "consumed" with the literal. I know it drives Matt crazy. Most times my response is sarcastic, or maybe that is how I have learned to "cope" with wording. With that said...it has been one of those days where the literal just seems so humorous to me.

I love signs because sometimes they say things that make you ponder....

Yesterday, while driving Joshua home from therapy I noticed this sign similar to the one you see here, at the stop light. It caused me to ponder and so...you get the strange pondering of my mind:

"Yield to pedestrians in the crosswalk."

My thought was, "Does that mean they are far game if they are outside of the lines?"

(Okay, for all of you gasping...I know it is assumed, but it's just funny)

What happens when bordem hits the household of the Thompson's

It is true that laughter can heal. Even if for a brief moment to take you away from the stresses of life. Some of you know I have a strange sense of humor. This is truly three minutes of your life you will never get back....yet for some odd reason...you won't regret watching...or will you?



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus

Summons to Court and the Bizarre Excuses that Follow

Well it has finally happened. After receiving a letter a month ago that I was going to be contacted for jury duty...I received my summons today. I always have to find humor in life and this is no exception. I had to look up some fun excuses...not like I will use them. However there are a couple I would love to use. (just for fun)

One person wrote: "I just throw the summons away. That seems to solve the problem for about five years. You can take my word on it, they have too much to do to chase you down. From - a government worker." Okay, I am so afraid of the law...I truly have a fear...a reverence...I just know I would be that 1% that they would "chase down". My heart is palpitating just thinking about it.

As I sat reading these excuses with Joshua, I nearly spit my ice cream (sugar free for all of you who know I gave up sugar a year ago) all over the computer after reading one of them. Being a counselor and one who used to work on a psych ward...you'll know which one.

I am actually drafting a letter to send to the judge requesting that I be excused because I take our son, who has Autism, to therapy and also do a home program with him. I am praying that he understands the importance of my son's needs.

I must admit though, numbers 2, 4 & 5 would be fun to say.

So, this is for all the mothers and ladies out there who have and have yet to be called for jury duty sometime in their life. May you find humor in the cleft of the rock where I find myself clinging to daily. Much love to all.

JURY DUTY EXCUSES

(I did submit one today to the long list on the site "jury excuses"...just for fun)

1. Tell the judge you will make an excellent juror because you can spot guilty people immediately, then scream at the judge, "You're guilty!!"

2. Tell the court, "I have a problem keeping my mouth shut, am I allowed to participate in objections? It just kills me to see a good debate go by... and promise to not hold me in contempt."

3. I think laws are for sissies.

4. Would I have to bathe?

5. Can each of my personalities vote in the deliberation?

6. What's the inflight movie?

7. I get dizzy if I try to weigh evidence.

8. I think I would make an excellent juror...after all (change in voice) I am looking for another host body. (my submission to the bizarre excuses list)

Matt says I have a strange sense of humor.

That’s right…who says everything comes up…or down smelling like roses?

In the life and home of the Thompson’s we never do things in ones or twos….no it must be done in threes. Life is truly an adventure and I believe God has placed Matt and I here to prove this very phenomenon. I can only describe it as….well…ineffable.

As you might have read I am getting ready to talk with a surgeon about “down sizing”. You would think our “in office” adventures would end there however, Sunday morning as the team was setting up for church…we are mobile currently which means we have to set up the stage…classrooms…café….bookstore….info….you get the picture, and we do this every Sunday. I receive a call as I am ready to head out the door that Matt has collapsed. The only thing going through my mind as I drove down Cleveland Rd was, “Why did he say, I hope to see you later?” So, I’m crying all the way to the high school.

I arrive and walk in the building to find my “loopy” husband on the floor and 3 tiny guys attempting to pick him up and place him on the gurney. (My first question is, “how many of you have seen the width of those things?” My thigh is wider.) Matt lies down on the “plank” and because he is 6’6”, it falls over…head first. The statement I hear, “Whoa, you are a big guy.”

That morning he had ingested a muffin that read, “No sugar added”…which really means it has sugar, they just did not add any. His sugar level rose above 230 and with all the running around he did that morning he just collapsed. So, for 4 hours we were in the ER. (That is truly another story…how many pastors do you know that can relax in an ER when worship service is about to begin?) After the fun morning and afternoon drama of our lives, we arrive home to relieve Fran who has been with our children since that morning….God love her, and you would think the adventure would have ended once we left the ER.

Oh no. Fran shares that Faith has swallowed a magnet.

I want to take a moment and share with you the irony here. I grew up on a farm. If any of you know what that is like it is more than watching things grow. It usually involves manure duty. It always amazed me that on top of the manure pile we would find flowers growing. (I love science but I don’t want to dwell to long on how that happens.) Back to my story. The nurse says it will pass, however I have to…check her stool everyday for the next 72 hours! I cannot “let it hit the water lest the “magnet disappear” down the drain”, she says. This thing must be found at all costs or Faith will need an x-ray.

For those of you who know me well, you know I have a bit of a germ phobia which has “lessoned” over the years. Here is the irony and humor. The magnet she swallowed….was a “flower” magnet. That’s right…who says everything comes up…or down smelling like roses?

I love God's humor!