Saturday evening Joshua opens Daddy’s Bible on the hotel bed and finds the book of Joshua. He asks me to help him find 1:9. I sat down beside him and flipped through the delicate pages until the Bible rests open to Joshua 1. Joshua scanned the page as I led his eyes to verse 9. He began to read, “….Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."He then took a breath, and with a “chomp” of his teeth, he closed the Bible and hopped off the bed.
It's Sunday morning and we are getting ready for church. With a hop, a chomp, and a knock of the knees we are now headed to the van to begin our adventure to see and worship with old friends.
Joshua and Faith make their way to Xtreme Kidz where they are greeted with hugs. He makes his way to the climbing wall with a hop, a chomp, a chin knock to the shoulder and a snort.
Church is now over and we are having lunch with our friends. He and Toby have a great time sharing pizza and talking. Joshua looks down the long table and grabs my attention. He asks through chomps and head nods if he can share his cheese pizza with Toby. As he hears yes I see him hop in his seat and give Toby some of his pizza.
We are on the long drive home. He leans forward and says to Faith, “Hey Faith…I love you.” She responds back, “I love you too.”
He spends the next hour and a half singing, snorting, nodding, chomping and “hopping” in his seat belt.
We are finally home. What an incredible weekend we had with friends!
Joshua’s chomping increases as his chin hits one shoulder then the next. He walks down the hall stopping to knock his elbows on the wall and knock his knees together.
He is now having trouble going to bed as fear creeps into his thoughts. He begins to talk about school and feeling as if he cannot achieve anything and feeling as if he knows nothing. I begin to share with him all he knows and marvel with him of his incredible ability to know so much about things. I can see in his eyes he feels overwhelmed and he begins to cry over the anxiety. I reach over and cradle his head as he cries. I then walk him up his ladder to his loft and sit with him. His chomping and nodding are so constant he can barely get a sentence out in tact. He then looks at me, and through the anxiety of tics he says, “Mommy, do autism boys ever marry girls and do autism girls marry boys?” I answer yes. He then says, “Do autism boys marry autism girls.” I begin to tear and answer his question again with a yes. He then looks at me through chomping and states, “That is good, because we don’t laugh at each other.”
I looked deep in his brown eyes and asked him if he feels different than other people. He did not look through me as sometimes he can. His eyes engaged and he said, “Yes.”
I wish I could say that this entry has some deep meaning. Yet, today it’s just a mommy who longs to comfort her son who is struggling with his Autism. A mommy who sees her son in such anxiety that if I could…I would take it on just to give him a moment of peace.
I looked in his eyes when he said “Yes”…that he felt different and I told him that I was so thankful that God made me his mommy and that I love everything about him, especially his autism. I then reminded him of his verse in Joshua 1:9
“….Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Life is so uncertain…yet there is one thing that is constant during the moments when fear creeps around us daily, and that is our LORD is with us wherever we go….we do not have to be terrified.
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