“All the Way Across to China”
My experience with Autism has taught me that figurative speech is very hard for Nicholas to understand. He doesn’t really follow things like “It’s raining cats and dogs”, or “I feel under the weather today”. He is a visual thinker, so he probably sees actual cats and dogs falling from the sky, or someone under a thunderstorm. For him, “It is really raining a lot today”, or “I am sick” would be better ways to express those situations.
My two “neurotypical” children, however, use figurative speech easily. My son Alec, 8, started a routine at bedtime in order to express “how much” he loves me. He would tell me, “I love you, Mom”, and I would tell him “I love you more!” and he and he would think about that, then say, “I love you this much” and stretch his arms out as far as they could go. Then I would stretch MY arms out, and say, “ I love you this much times 10”. One night Alec was having trouble finding an amount high enough, so he said, “Mom, you know how many stars there are in the sky? Well I love you all that much and then triple that.” Amazed by his ability to think in such terms, I laughed and said “Wow! Triple stars! I’m not sure I can beat that!” So ever since, Alec has said “I love you triple stars”. It is such a sweet thing to hear coming out of his mouth. I hope he never stops saying it.
Kaitlyn is younger but she is not one to be outdone. She watched all this and came up with her own cosmic measurement of love, and simply tells me “I love you outer space”. This also makes me laugh out loud and she likes to tell me this not just at bedtime, but often, which often draws quizzical expressions from people when they hear her say it.
Nick, however, has difficulty thinking in such a way. He would watch all of this from his bed, and mostly he would interject with reminders of things he wants. “Mom, you need to buy me a guitar”. “Mom, I want you to buy me a Cleveland Browns uniform”. “Mom, you need to get me a train and build a train track”. It was a continuation of the list of nearly a thousand things he recites to me all day, every day. And my response was always the same, “Ok, Nick, we will try to get the things you want the most. Goodnight, Nick.” To which he would just say “Goodnight”. “I love you, Nick”. “Love you too, Mom”. “How bout a good night kiss, Nick?” And of course he would give me a kiss. Then “How bout a hug, Nick?” Which was followed by a hug. Children with autism are often uncomfortable showing affection, and Nick is really no exception. He has his moments where he will spontaneously hug me, but they are usually at times when it is not expected, like when I am cooking dinner. He can surprise me with a hug which involves his whole body, and he literally climbs up my body with his arms anchored around my neck. Since he is nearly 5 feet tall it can be a painful experience. But his expressions of love are not taken for granted by me, and I will drop what I am doing and return his hug.
So these “figurative” expressions of how much love we have for each other went largely unnoticed by Nick, and he never offered up his own comparison. Until the other day. He surprised me! I was talking to him on the phone while I was away for a week on vacation and he was staying with his dad. We had a conversation which existed mostly of Nick telling me (again) what I needed to buy for him while I was away. Right at the end of the call, Nick said, “Bye, Mom, I love you all the way across to China”. I laughed out loud and said “Wow, Nick! All the way to China? That is a lot of love”. And I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was pleased.
Moments in time...that is one that will be forever frozen within me. Little snapshots of progress made for Nick in this journey of autism. It seems that recently I have been seeing more and more of them, which fills me with hope for his future. I recently read “Born on a Blue Day” by Daniel Tammet, an adult with Aspergers syndrome with savant abilities. The book was very uplifting to me, as it explained from real experience what growing up with autism is like for someone. They don’t feel as isolated as we fear. Social interactions with others are just something that really aren’t a need for them. And a lot of the things that make them different, their odd behaviors and obsessions, are the things that as an adult make them unique and sometimes help them fit in and function as an adult.
I don’t know if Nick will continue to use his descriptive term. But even if he doesn’t, and if his affection has to be prompted by reminders from me, that’s ok. I know he loves me. All the way across to China.
Kathy Wood
www.25kids.com
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