my bro

We were separated when I was 12. My brothers and I had been together through some rough stuff in our childhood and we would always face them together, until I was 12 and my older brother and I were separated from our 2 younger brothers.

Years later when my youngest brother was 16 and was struggling with thoughts of ending his life, I came home from college to spend time with him. During that visit he shared what was told to them when we "mysteriously" were gone when they arrived home that evening. He looked at me and asked, "Why did you leave us? Why did you stop loving us?" They were told that we did not like them anymore, did not love them and we went away. We both sat there crying so many years later as we shared our stories of what really happened that day.

My brother who is a year younger than I is someone that I totally respect. If you ever have the chance to hear his story...

He amazes me.

He is the lead vocal and guitarist of the punk/grunge band, Phestur. You read correctly. His lyrics are very...colorful and I have asked him often what he was going through at the time he wrote some of them. I love his comments back, "Well sis, some is from our past, some is just going against the flow of society or what I was feeling at that time."

There is one song from his album: Downtown and Underground that I believe really hits where his heart is, what he struggles with and where many of us walk daily or feel we are. Click on Phestur - Apathy to hear the song. If that does not work click on PHESTUR and it will take you to the list of songs and albums. Scroll down until you find APATHY.

The lyrics go like this:

i stand here solemnly, transparent patiently

my heart is on my sleeve, still beating while it bleeds

there's more that you don't see, just what this does to me

blind eyes they can't escape, morals retaliate

forget what i have done, forgive me everyone.

no more can i sleep, what's sewn i have to reap
regain my self esteem, rotting inside of me

stand up and reprise, dig out from all the lies

sunbeams i feel again, on my face

forget what i have done, forgive me everyone.

Here lies the difference that we have in Christ: He will dig us out of the pit we have jumped in, been pushed in or slipped in. Psalm 40:2 He will fill us with His purpose. Jeremiah 29:11 , and He will forgive us. Psalm 103:12; 1 John 1:9

I am reminded of the words from Beth Moore's book, Get Out of That Pit when she says that people will let us down. They cannot keep us out of the pit, they cannot give us a sense of foundation or purpose...and they will fail us even in the area of forgive and forget....

As I listen to my brothers song...I know that many of you feel the same. You cannot do this alone. Know there is a Comforter, Savior, Defender, Forgiver, Sustainer, Re-newer...waiting for you to come to His feet...whether you are a follower of Christ or someone who is seeking to find that hope...He is waiting there with open arms to embrace you.