Life is....fragile

Life is truly fragile, isn’t it? Because we are young we have this strange feeling of invincibility at times; as if anything could bounce off of us. Nothing could possibly harm us…as if we could truly conquer the world and all of it’s elements. Then something happens and you realize how fragile you really are. How you truly rely on people in your life, and when they are gone God shows you that your source of dependence needs to be on HIM. That your trust cannot be in the “fragile”. Not saying that we should not “trust” those around us…but remembering that our Sustainer is not a spouse…or a relationship here on earth. How the only ONE who will sustain us through the most difficult of situations in Christ.

This has truly been a testing time for our family. As some of you know, back in April Matt collapsed at church. Two months later he was diagnosed with a heart condition. A condition that was a birth defect, yet a part of his condition is still unexplainable….his weakened heart. His doctors have been working with him to strengthen his heart, with us knowing the reality that he will have surgery at some point…just not now.

So, here we sit in “fragility” knowing the only sustainer is Christ. My “strong man” having to find his strength from within and not with the physical. What a journey this has been. I do have a small praise, or rather HUGE praise before I enter the next area of our “fragileness”. Since June his heart has strengthened 5%!
I know, you are all doing the happy dance with me. Isn’t that just like God?! He has His time frame. Could He heal Matt tomorrow? Sure. Yet during this time our dependence on HIM is growing.

Fragile life #2. November 2nd Matt calls and believes he is having kidney pains….and I am going to make this short. He ends up at the ER and with a push on the stomach the ER Dr. tells Matt he has a hernia, gives him pain meds and sends him home. The pain increases throughout the weekend, yet Matt still is on his feet on Sunday…doing his thing. He muscles through Monday until 2pm where he walks…okay, drags into his Doctor’s office in which the doctor does one simple test and sends him to the hospital for a cat-scan. He is then admitted. For six days he lays in the hospital hooked up to IV antibiotics, pain medication trying to bring down the inflammation, infections and swelling in his intestines, colon and the irritation to his bladder because of the infection behind it. Unable to run tests because of the serious inflammation Matt has to wait. Meanwhile, at home our kids are having a hard time understanding that daddy is not at home. As you know, our son has Autism, and this disruption in his life has caused his everyday functioning to decrease rapidly. He looked at me one day with huge tears and said, “Mommy, we’ve lost daddy and we cannot find him.”

Life is so fragile, isn’t it? We still are not 100% sure what is causing Matt’s current problem. After 6 days in the hospital, the doctor still wanting to keep him, yet Matt asked to come home…stated he could be in pain at home and would feel better to be around family.

So, here we are…in our fragile state….standing….no wait, face down at His throne. Knowing that only there will we find rest and comfort during these moments of uncertainty….moments of fragility.

There is a truth I know…God is never fragile, He has never left us, He has His timing, He is our Father….I hold tight to his promises…even in the midst of this fragile life.

No matter where you are in your journey I urge you, and I can almost hear my grandfather in my voice when I say, don’t take any breath or moment in your life for granted. I love something that Jim Elliot once said, “Walk as if your next step would take you over the threshold of Heaven.”

Life is fragile. I am glad there is one who walks before me planning my course. One who walks with me and at times carries me. I am thankful for how He has expressed Himself through people and how I have seen and experienced Him in some truly unique ways this year. I am learning so much how life is fragile...and so precious.

Take time this week and reflect on how He walks before you and what it truly means to depend. Has anything happened where He is telling you to sit, rest, be still and just trust Him and not react to what is happening around you?

Know you are all loved. Know that you are ever in our thoughts and conversations with God.

Much love,
Angel