I will FIND YOU!

Usually I plan my words carefully when I write, and yet this week something happened that altered the way I view my children, all that is precious, why we are here….every thing. I don’t even know how to “eloquently” type it, but just to share the “rawness” of it all.

We were home...all doors locked...and we could not find Faith. We looked everywhere, tore the house apart...I'm on the phone with 911 not believing this is happening and stating, "This cannot be happening!" I couldn't think of our address or what she was wearing. I kept thinking, “How did they get in the house…how did they get past me?" Apparently I voiced that a few times as the dispatcher tried to calm me. All I could feel was emptiness and loss.....life without her....Okay, I'm starting to cry thinking about it. The lady from 911 said that the Police where on their way.... Joshua was crying and screaming for Faith. (I realized how much she is his anchor)....I went into her room to try and focus. Weeping and sobbing. I heard the lady say, "If you find her sleeping somewhere, call us back." At the moment I looked down and there was Faith…fast asleep laying in-between her bed and her baby's cradle. Such a small space and she blended in with the bed, floor and her doll’s blanket. I fell to the floor just sobbing. I picked her up, cradled her and as I held her tight she woke up and asked, "Mommy, can I have a banana?"
All I could do was sob. We all engulfed her with a hug, Matt than sat on the edge of her bed with tears, holding his heart and Joshua hugged her saying...I couldn't find you...I miss you...I love you...I couldn't find you....

I told Matt, my biggest fear happened. I have always been afraid of losing the kids and not being able to find them.

I began to think about what I felt when I thought someone took my daughter, when I thought she was lost, and then I thought of God...billions of His children lost...what agony and pain He must feel as He calls out to them and they don't hear Him because they are walking around asleep.

I NEVER want to go through that again. If I never want to experience that again…I can only imagine what God has been feeling all of these years, decades….We study about it, we talk about…and now I have a small glimpse into HIS pain and it gives me an urgency to wake THEM UP FROM their sleep walking.

As I held Faith in my arms, sobbing with joy...I can only imagine His tears of joy when I woke up and ran into His arms!

I held Faith’s hand all night…I couldn’t let go. I’m glad God has given me His hand…and that He will never, ever let go.